We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I FOUND THE LEGS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
