Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
