How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
