cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
