If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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