the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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