So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
