rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
