allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
