Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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