Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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