I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Randomize
