dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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