Where is the hickey?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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