Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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