So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
