my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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