dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
