omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
