DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
