it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
