Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
