You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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