But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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