i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
