I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
