Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Farmville is her only friend.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
