I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
