yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
