i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
