just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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