I want to have your abortion
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
