i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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