He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
