I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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