Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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