so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
