I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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