i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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