When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
