i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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