I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
