so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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