There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
