if only i could text you this smell
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
