She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
