You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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