the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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