Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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