HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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