I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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