Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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