he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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