he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
