Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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