i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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