omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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