I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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