My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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