Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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