I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Rumble strips road head = magical
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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