The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
