I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
