i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
farters have to be the big spoon...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
