I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
