so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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