So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
