im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
