reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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