Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
