youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
