I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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