im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
