you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
