He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
