Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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