Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
