yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
