am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
