i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
