She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
