Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
