bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
