I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
