I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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